You don't have to sing it right
Who could call you wrong?
You put your emptiness to melody
Your awful heart to song
You don't have to sing it nice, but honey sing it strong
At best, you find a little remedy, at worst the world will sing along
So, honey, sing…
“To Noise Making (Sing)” by Hozier
I am a singer, and I’ve been singing for as long as I can remember. If you could ask my daddy, he would say, “That girl ain’ fit for nothin’ but sangin’!” Because of my wonderful choral experience at William James Middle School and Statesboro High School, I settled on a career in music. I graduated from Georgia Southern University with a Bachelor and Master of Music in voice performance. Let me tell you, there is nothing more exhilarating than being on stage and sailing through German and French art songs or making music together with other skilled musicians in an ensemble. Pure joy!
Like many singers, I’ve had some vocal issues here and there throughout my career, but after having COVID in 2020, things are very different. Singing is a labor; I struggle with my breathing, I can only sing for short periods of time before I am hoarse, and my vocal range is smaller. My voice is unpredictable, and I can’t trust it from one day to the next. Another side effect of COVID I’ve been experiencing is memory lapse which makes memorizing music difficult. All of these issues have made singing feel foreign to me. And to add insult to vocal injury, I keep receiving opportunities to perform.
Do I part ways with an activity that has been a part of my identity for most of my life? Do I walk away from these invitations to sing? With some deep soul searching, I came to this conclusion: I sing, and while singing is what I do, it is not who I am. Knowing who I am anchors me. The essence of who I am, located at my center, is a spirit full of light who was created to lift others. Everything I do, say, and think must flow from that space. With this in mind, fully unsure and afraid, I said yes to singing in public.
Instead of pushing against conflict or crumbling underneath it, I've decided to flow with it and allow the challenge to inspire creativity. While I always put my audience first, I made a deeper shift from I to we. My yes was not to an opportunity to sing, but a yes to an opportunity for community. I now center performances around an inspirational theme or message I'd like to share with my audience. I'm also working towards creating performances that encourages community engagement by bringing us together in a meaningful way, such as rallying support for local charitable organizations or generating scholarships for underserved youths.
I've adopted a personal mantra: "My voice, my choice!" This makes me feel free and reminds me to have fun and not take myself too seriously. I select music that is comfortable, fun, and meaningful. So, if I want to perform arias that were written for tenors or perform soprano arias an octave lower -- I DO IT. If I'm having fun, the audience will have fun as well.
When it comes to dealing with my memory lapses, I focus on preparing the music as well as I can and release the shame of having to have my music on stage with me. I make no apologies for being human. And by eliminating an element of stress, I'm able to have fun which, again, will allow my audience to share in the fun as well.
I want my performances to be built on collaboration with other artists. One, because I am able to distribute the performance load; and two, joining forces with other performers inspires creativity, makes for a more dynamic show, and creates an experience filled with fun for all!
Singing is so much more precious to me now. And even though my process of singing has changed a great deal, I am grateful that I am still able to produce a sound after my experience with COVID. I am often reminded of my vocal issues when I attempt to sing, but instead of bowing to the voice of my inner critic, I return to center:
I am a spirit full of light who was created to lift others. This broken voice can still sing.
May we magnify what is right with us. May who we are and what we do be tethered to purpose. May we operate from our center and may all we do flow from that space. May we find the courage to create new ways to sing our song in this world when our old ways no longer serve us.
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