Who Are Your Mental Tenants?

"Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions." -- Hafiz, Persian poet

Not so long ago, I allowed my mind to become one gigantic room for fear. Inside this room lived the most annoying inner critics. They were a worried group of little squatters who vandalized spaces in my mental real estate. Their intentions were to keep me safe from failure, but they had an insane way of doing so. They nailed my doors shut, keeping me from stepping out into the world. They poked holes in my ceiling, exposing me to the elements. They jackhammered the floors, leaving me unstable and unrooted. They wrote profane messages on my walls, leaving constant reminders of my failures and faults. They painted my windows black, keeping light from entering and permitting me from seeing what was accessible and achievable. They were loud; they stomped about and yelled and broke things, distracting me during the day and depriving me of sleep at night.

I gave them this space. Heck, I even helped the squatters move in. I was comfortable with them and often agreed with their banter. I allowed them to dictate my life and was afraid to stand up to them. They knew EVERYTHING about me and were not shy about throwing the details of my life in my face to prove their point:

"You can't do it!"

"You'll fail like last time. Remember?!?"

"You're only going to embarrass yourself."

"You don't know what you're doing."

Their irritating voices and perspectives chewed at my core until one day, I became fed up. In that moment, a question surfaced; a question that now motivates me to push through the fear: WHAT IS AT RISK? My answer: TOO MUCH! If I continued allowing fear to feed me lies, to keep me living small and wavering; I'd run the risk of not adding value in others. Even if it's to add value to the life of just ONE person, allowing fear to hinder me from this mission is too costly.

So, how did I control the tenants? I learned to shut down the noisy nuisance by feeding them truths and actions. For example, when I first started my practice, I experienced fear around telling others I was a life coach. Immediately, the internal hecklers weighed in on the matter:

"You'd better stick to what you know 'cause this ain't it!"

"Don't do it. People won't buy it for a minute. They'll think you've lost it!"

"You will fail. In front of everyone. Just settle with things as they are. We like comfortable."

I countered with truth and a helping of loving kindness:

You are a nurturer. You are full of light. You encouraged everyone who crosses your path. Your coaching is effective; you have clients who can attest to that! This path is a natural extension of who you are!

Next, I created a Facebook page for my practice, invited others to like my page, and then shared it on my personal page -- after which I logged off immediately, too afraid to see the reactions of family and friends. When I found the nerve to log back on to my account, I was met with an overwhelming amount of support and love and well wishes. I even book several clients! Courage led me to believing in myself. Believing in myself led me to trusting myself. Trusting myself led me to taking action. Those actions led me to proving this ol' girl is capable of doing some impactful work. Take that, mental meddlers!

These days I own an open-concept space with a minimalistic design. The new tenants are nurturing and kind. The squatters (now, smaller in number) show up every now and again, but they are not allowed to stay long and are restricted to only a tiny broom closet.

May you have the courage to take back your power. May you fight fear with truth and action. You're not a slum lord, you run quarters that are up to code. Now, reclaim your mental space - serve the eviction papers, do the repairs, and clean up the joint.